Leasing terms

So, I'm happy to report that my Florida trip was a success. Spending time with my parents - check! Finding a house to rent so I actually have a place when I show up with my moving truck - check! Getting to know "Mr Cutie" a little more - check! (this one gets a check and a wink!)

I know you're all dying to hear about "Mr Cutie," so I'll start there... First, there was a request to give him a more masculine name, so he will officially be known from now on as M-Daddy. I know that's a bit strange, but we've got a running joke with the rap star names that we've given each other, so that's a slightly abbreviated version of his (BTW, mine is D-Bomb). As you know, we weren't able to meet up while I was there, so we ended up having a blast texting like teenagers for two days and then had a phone date last night to start to get to know each other.

To answer my burning question that I originally had, he's not British - he's Canadian. He also has a nice (a.k.a. sexy) voice, so it was well worth the wait to hear it! I also found out that he is a romantic guy who likes to do things like leave little love notes in unexpected places or send a text just to say that he's thinking about me. This is exactly what I need because of my history with completely un-romantic guys... it's about time that I get my fair share in that department. We spent 2 hours talking about everything from our relationship histories to karaoke, and we can't wait until our next "phone date" this weekend.

It turns out that we have even more in common than I thought. We both have an insane love of hot and spicy food. I do believe I've finally met my match on this one... I have a very high tolerance for spice, but it sounds like his threshold my be just a wee bit higher (of course, we'll have to verify this when we actually meet and go head to head over some good Mexican food). The foodie match also continues with a love of good food - whether it be a little hole in the wall or a fancy restaurant. As long as the food and the company is good, that's all that matters (awww, isn't that sweet?)

More importantly, this 6 ft, handsome, sexy-voiced man appreciates a woman who can rock a sexy pair of shoes. He asked me the important question "which shoes would be the coveted first date shoes?" I told him that it would depend on the venue, but I have several potential candidates for the job. He's already seen a pic of the animal print ones in the pics to the right, so he knows my style, to which he said that he's "definitely in trouble..." Oh, this is going to be fun (wink).

So, now we have 30 days to continue to get to know each other before I move out there. We could only cover so much in a 2 hour call, so we've still got plenty to talk about. That means 30 days to continue to text, talk, flirt (oh definitely) and build the excitement. All that, plus a kick-ass pair of heels will make for a great first date (oh, get your minds out of the gutter...) Remember that I'm looking for love and happiness here, so what I want is a great start to a great relationship (although a little sassiness wouldn't hurt!)

As for the house hunting, I'm happy to report that I did find a beautiful 3-bedroom, 2- bath house with a cute little pool that will cost EXACTLY the same as my "more than a 1-bedroom but less than a 2-bedroom" apartment. I will be "close, yet not on top of" my parents, so it will be easy to get back and forth. Plus, it's close to main roads that will make a trip to see M-Daddy very easy (he will be a few cities south, but still an easy commute). And, most importantly, it met my requirements of a big master closet (lots of room for shoes), a big master bathroom ('cause I'm a girl and I like that) and a nice kitchen (so I can continue to maintain the illusion that I cook better than I actually do).

The new landlords for my house are nice - in fact, they're one of the main reasons I chose the place. Plus, they're stable and own several rental properties (a very good thing). I saw 9 properties in two days and had a nice collection of applications going. When I was looking at their house, this was the application process:

Me: If I'm interested, do you charge an application fee?

Her: Well, let me ask you this... Do you pay your rent on time?

Me: Yes.

Her: You're approved.

It doesn't get any easier than that, huh? I signed the lease yesterday... they're holding the property until my Oct 1st move date and will take care of anything that needs to be done once the current tenant finishes moving out. Oh, and lawn care and pool maintenance is part of the rent, so I don't have to worry about that at all (sweet!) All I have to do is sit back and enjoy myself!

I texted M-Daddy to tell him that I signed the lease on the house, he asked if I'd signed a lease on a guy yet (because he pointed out that I was shopping for a house AND a guy on this trip). I told him "not yet, but I've got a really good possibility in the works!" Let’s hope the lease terms are acceptable and I'll be ready to sign on the dotted line... In about 30 days. ;)

Going without adult supervision

So, I’m pleased to tell you that Mr. Cutie and I have gone back and forth with real, open text box messages where we’re not limited to 1000 characters so we can write whatever we want.  This is very exciting, especially since e-harmony hasn’t sent me any more matches after Mr. Cutie – I guess they ran out.  Well, at least they saved the best for last. 

So far, so good!  He’s got a good blend of fun and sweet, with a hint of mischievous (or at least his writing style does LOL).  I’m a little bummed that he’s not able to meet up with me when I’m there next week (he’ll have his son, so he’s not able to slip away).  But I’m OK with that, because we’ve officially agreed to ditch the “e-harmony chaperone” and move on to trading phone numbers.  It will be nice to hear his voice – he mentioned in one of his answers that his sense of humor was “British by nature” so I don’t know if that was a reference to the fact that he’s British or if he just has a British sense of humor.  Hmmm… a British accent would be a nice bonus! ;)  Very James Bond-ish… does that make me a Bond Girl? 

I’m starting to get ready for my three-day “must find a house to rent” trip to Florida.  I had the name of a realtor that I talked to a few weeks ago, but she’s not calling me back so I think she’s blowing me off (whatever!)  I’ll do just as well on my own armed with Craigslist.  I managed to set up an RSS feed for my Craigslist search, but I couldn’t get it to filter right, so I think there’s like 100 messages in that folder.  Ugh!  It’s just easier to just use the website.

I took about an hour and a half of my day to start making phone calls.  Left a lot of messages, but did manage to get about 6 appointments set up so far.  My mom even has a friend with a house that she might rent, so that will be #7.  Some of the people I talked to were friendly and some just didn’t have a clue (eye roll).  I made it very clear that I was coming there with a goal – to find a place to live by the time I leave (in other words, I’m not going to be that wishy-washy “I-don’t-know-if-I-want-to-make-a-decision-yet” kind of person).  When I find a place I like, I’m ready to pull out the checkbook.  I’m even armed with my credit report, paystubs and my current landlord’s phone number to make it even more clear that I’m very serious about finding a place. 

So, speaking about the places… it’s a totally different ballgame living here in the Bay Area vs. a nice suburban west-coast Florida town.  For what I pay for my “more than a 1-bedroom, but not quite a 2-bedroom” apartment that’s in a building above a dry cleaner, I’ll be going to a 3-bedroom house with a garage, yard and maybe even a pool (sweet!)  When you do the handy cost of living calculator, the city I’m moving to is like 60 or 70% cheaper cost of living – yeah!  Since I’m keeping my same job, that means more disposable income to buy shoes! ;)  Plus, a bigger house will have bigger closets, so I gotta fill ‘em, right? (woo-hoo)

Oh, and get this… the funniest thing I heard today was a nice realtor telling me about the neighborhood that her house was in.  “It’s a nice major corridor with a lot of (emphasizing) HIGH END restaurants.  They even have an Outback!”  Um, I do love Outback, but I hate to break it to her, but (emphasizing) HIGH END restaurants don’t feature dishes named the Bloomin’ Onion.  LOL – it’s a whole different mentality out there, but it will be fun.

What I’ll miss about SF:

·         Walking everywhere!  I lived here without a car for 4 years… I finally did get a car last November but have only put 2500 miles on it since I’ve had it. LOL

·         Not super-hot weather.  You don’t have a/c here because you don’t need it – really! 

·         Flagship stores – I’ll miss those (tear).  For those of you not in the retail industry, a Flagship is basically a really, really, really big version of your favorite store (like, oh, Banana Republic) and they carry just about every style available.  (sigh) I guess I’ll have to settle for a nice, basic, core store (again, tear). 

·         Good friends that I work with.  I’ve made a lot of great friendships over the 5 years that I’ve been here and I’ll miss seeing everyone on a regular basis.  I’ll have to start using the video chat feature on our Instant Messenger…

What I’m looking forward to in Florida:

·         LIVIN’ LARGE! ;)  Maybe I can get spinners on my hubcaps and install hydraulics to make my little blue VW Beetle bounce up and down like a rap star!

·         Having a house with (1) space, (2) a dishwasher, (3) a washer/dryer and (4) electrical outlets ‘o plenty.  Seriously, I have never seen as few outlets as I have now – my bedroom has one by the bed and one, are you ready, in the closet.  I run an extension cord just to power my makeup mirror.

·         Free parking everywhere you go.

·         And, my favorite thing that I’m looking forward to?  Well, that would be Mr. Cutie, of course!

So, time is ticking down to my moving day (just over a month left).   Wish me luck with the ol’ house-hunting game!  And, wish me luck with Mr. Cutie, who now, officially, has my phone number. ;)

Q&A

So, this morning, I got my usual “daily match” email… and I have to tell you I was very pleased with the results!  First, I saw a very handsome face when I logged in (handsome in multiple pictures, not just one LOL).  Next, I saw that we had a fair amount in common – we even answered some of the questions the same way. 

So I sent an ice breaker…

The day was as normal as a Monday could be.  The usual grind – Meetings… Taking care of “fast turn” requests from my department’s Senior Director… Getting a jump start on work for the week…  There was even an exciting planned BART protest that prompted a few of us to leave early to miss the craziness.  BART is the local train/subway system and this is the third protest in three weeks – ugh!  If the BART officers would just stop shooting people, they wouldn’t have so many protests (eye roll).

Back to my day… so I’m in the BART station with about 3000 other people who decided to leave early too, and I pulled out my phone to check my email.

OMG – I got a response to my ice breaker!!! :)  It’s my first ice breaker response, and did mention that he’s a cutie?

I got home and we began going back and forth on the line of standard questioning that e-harmony sets up for you (you know, to weed out psychopaths and axe murderers).  Here’s what you get:

·         “Get to know you” multiple choice questions.  Some of the answer choices are quite comical and could easily put you in the “I’m a non-stop partier” or “I’m a complete dud” category – both of which I am not.

·         “Must Haves” and “Can’t Stands” where you list your top 10 in each category.  It’s a very long list of choices, which does include some choices that are slightly inappropriate when you’ve only known someone for, oh, 10 minutes (like a “must have” of being passionate and something about trying new things sexually).  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for that, but let’s save that conversation until after we’ve actually met each other. ;)

·         Open-ended questions.  This lets a little more of their personality come through, and this is the step that we’re on now.

BTW, we did answer very similarly so far on the first two sets of questions… looks like a nice, compatible match (good job, e-harmony, you’re earning your $134.85).  And did I mention he’s a cutie? (I know, like three times so far LOL).   I’ll be in Florida in a few days – I’m heading out to find a place to live.  Who knows?  If things look good, perhaps we could meet for coffee when I’m there.

So, now I wait.  I’m doing some work online while I wait, but honestly, I’m a little distracted – can you blame me?  This totally feels like flirting but you actually get to learn about someone – It’s so much fun!  And, he’s a… well, you know (insert girlish giggle here).

The suspense is killing me!  I’ll keep you all posted on what happens next. ;)

Breaking the ice…

So, I’m having fun going through my new “matches” every morning.  I turn off my alarm, turn on the news and grab my iPad… It’s kind of like getting a scratch off lottery ticket – you’re hopefully as you scratch, then… nothing.  However, it has turned into a fun new morning ritual.

But, again, I am happy to report that there are some good potentials among the duds (and by dud, I mean the hairy shirtless guy, lying on his bed and taking his own picture.  Sorry, I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth…)

Sorry for the sidetrack… back to the good potentials.  Out of 22 matches that I haven’t “archived” (which is just a nice way to say deleted), I’ve sent an ice breaker to seven of them.

Seven icebreakers sent… and you want to know how many responses I’ve gotten to those ice breakers?  A big, fat, zero (wha wha).

Now, let’s be completely clear on a few things.  #1 – I’m cute (I’m no supermodel, but I am certainly not a toad).  #2 – I’m sending ice breakers to completely normal looking guys who look like they’re nice, sweet and/or funny.  #3 – I have a pretty interesting profile that is filled out with clever, witty answers that make me look like a really cool person (which I am, thank you very much).

And still, not one of those seven guys has acknowledged my ice breaker.  Come on!  Do they need to be reminded that they are on a dating website – call me crazy, but that probably means they are looking for A DATE!  And here I am – a nice, sweet, fashionable gal with great shoes, and I get nothing.

Perhaps nice guy #1 with a kid has just been too busy running back and forth to soccer practice to respond (although he’s viewed my profile twice now).  Then there’s nice guy #2, who made a funny comment that he could dress better if someone would help him.  Hello???? Can you not tell that I obviously have a good sense of fashion (plus, I mentioned that I like to shop).  Maybe nice guy #3 who has a cute dog and said that he’s “not interested in drama” hasn’t read my full profile to see how down to earth (and non-dramatic) I am.

Ugh… This is worse than being the last one left standing against the wall at the junior high dance.  It’s like the guys keep coming over, but then turn around once they get to me and head over to the punch bowl.

Well, in all fairness, I do have to say that two guys have sent ice breakers to me.  I already told you about “John/56” who, by the way, doesn’t even live in the same state as where I’m going to go (eye roll).  Then there’s the guy who sent the pre-selected ice breaker that said “Looks like we live close to each other, let’s chat.”  Close to each other?  Um, not yet… I’m still about 3000 miles away and will be for another six weeks (which is clearly stated in my clever, witty profile).  I haven’t responded to his ice breaker, which officially makes me just as bad as all the nice guys I was trash-talking about three paragraphs back (pot, let me introduce you to kettle).  He seems like a nice guy, although he might not be my first pick at the ol’ junior high dance.  I don’t know if I’m shy about responding, or if I just don’t want to look like a bitch if I end up saying “no thanks” after we exchange a few messages. 

I guess this online dating thing works much better if you just check your feelings at the door.  #1 – I will continue to send out ice breakers to guys who appear to be cute, nice, funny and non-psychopathic, and not get my feelings hurt if I don’t hear back right away.  #2 – I may answer back “close to each other” guy and not worry so much about hurting other people’s feelings.

And now that it’s the weekend, maybe all my ice breaker recipients will get off their butts, check their e-harmony accounts, and realize that there’s a perfectly nice, sweet, sane, non-dramatic, shoe collecting gal, just waiting for a “wink” back.  Let the games begin!

A thousand words, huh?

So, on Monday morning, I got dressed knowing it would be the day to have a friend at work take my picture for my e-Harmony online profile.  I bought a new sweater over the weekend, put on some nice jeans and my awesome wood heel wedges (but of course) and off I went.  I didn’t need this picture to say a thousand words… I just needed it to say three: good, thin and date-able (cute would also be a totally acceptable fourth word).

The morning was non-eventful and I spent my entire lunch making sure I didn’t spill anything on my sweater (which would have caused me to abort the whole mission).  Then, finally, in the early afternoon, my friend was ready, so I put on some lipgloss, and out we went on to the balcony that overlooks the Bay Bridge.  And when I say “we,” I mean me, my friend and one really fancy camera.   This camera, no joke, has magical powers, because she routinely takes pictures of people and they ALWAYS turn out nice (which could be the magical powers of the camera or the magical powers of Photoshop, but who cares, as long as the picture turns out good). 

We took lots of pictures… against the brick wall, with the bridge in the background, with the city view in the background, in the sun, in the shade – we basically covered about every square inch of this balcony and I’m just really glad that there wasn’t a meeting going on in the conference room that overlooks it.  When were done, she downloaded the potential “good/thin/date-able” pics and I got to see what I was working with.  As me and a few other friends perused the pics, we eliminated the ones that looked “like a mugshot” (definitely not date-able), the ones that had ghastly shadows over my face (definitely not good) and anything that didn’t look acceptably thin-ish. There was even one lovely picture with my eyes closed because you absolutely can’t take a series of pics without at least one of those. 

And, so, after all that… I picked three good shots.  Two close up and one full-body, because according to my friend, “they don’t care about what you look like, they just want to see your ass.”  I got home and uploaded the pics to my profile.  Then, I plunked down my $134.85 for my 3-month membership and I eagerly went back to the “My Matches” page to actually see the pictures of my computer-generated matches.

Turns out “My Matches” were a completely mixed bag.  I clicked through, one by one, and here are some of the “thousand words” that their pictures were saying…

·         “I think I’m really hot” (this guy was standing in front of a mirror in a bike tank top and shorts, taking his own picture).

·         “I think that women will be totally turned on by a completely inappropriate picture” (this guy was holding a large phallic-shaped object in front of himself in a very suggestive way – ewwww).

·         “I think this dirty bandana on my head will make me look very stylish” (um, no...) (eye roll)

·         “I think a group picture is perfect to post because women will have no problem knowing which one is me” (um, no, actually, I have no idea which one is you).

·         “I think I will look more date-able if I post pictures of me with women” (yeah, date-able to the women in the pictures)

·         “I think women will find me very adventurous if I include pictures of me skydiving and scuba diving” (adventurous yes, but I can’t really tell what you look like).

But I have to say that my favorite pictures (OK, maybe not favorite, but at least they made me laugh), were the “I have this old picture of me and my ex, and I’ll just crop her out of it and nobody will notice” pictures.  OK, first of all, you can TOTALLY tell that there should be more than just one person in that picture, and second, when you can see someone’s hair or arm, it’s a dead giveaway. 

Anyway, I do have to report that there were some cuties in my mix.  I even got my nerve up to send a few “ice breakers” out.  BTW, an ice breaker is where you can send one of several pre-selected (although somewhat canned) messages to someone like “I just wanted to say hi” or “Your profile made me smile.”  Who knows if I’ll hear back, but at least I’m giving it a try, huh?

So there you have it, my profile is complete, including a few pictures.  Let’s hope those pictures, albeit worth a thousand words apiece, can help me find happiness and love.  Here’s to finding happily ever after… for the bargain price of $134.85.

Out with the old…

Yesterday, I found out that some of my friends/neighbors were having their annual garage sale on Saturday morning.  Time to get rid of some old junk and make a few bucks in the process, so I started the hunt for everything unwanted, unused or just un-needed.  One folding bike that I thought I was going to ride to work but never did – check. My space heater and Snuggie (don’t judge) – check.  A large Rubbermaid tool chest that I loaded in a truck to move out here to San Francisco and loaded in a truck to move twice while here (I am not loading that thing onto a truck again) – check.  I even had a few pairs of (gasp!) old shoes that I didn’t wear anymore.  So off I went this morning with two car loads of stuff, and voila!  Most of the stuff sold and I’ve got an extra $170 in my pocket.

It’s so easy to get rid of old stuff… if only you could take old feelings or memories from past relationships to a garage sale.  Box of unhappiness:  $5.  Bin of hurt feelings: $3 each.  Broken heart:  Oh, just make me an offer and take it off my hands because I’m not packing that thing back up and taking it home.  I’m not wallowing in sorrow here, but as any gal out there who’s been on the receiving end of a crappy relationship knows, it would be nice to unload all those feelings in one fell swoop.

This is a perfect time use an old cliché… out with the old and in with the new!  And by new, I don’t mean the awesome wood heel wedges that I got last week (although they are quite fabulous).  I mean the fact that I actually started an online dating profile.  I know I'm not moving for about six weeks, but who says you can't get started a bit early, right?

First of all, there was a bit of debate with my friends on E-Harmony vs. Match.com.  I liked the fact that they matched personalities on E-Harmony, plus, a friend said that it seems to be a better mix of people.  Match.com has brought luck to two of my other friends, and I was told that they don’t discriminate against gays like E-Harmony does.  These were all good and valid points to consider.  Even Google wasn’t much of a help with this one – I Googled “E-Harmony vs. Match.com” and got some so-called rating website that also had information on a site called (seriously) sugardaddie.com. 

Being that I’m not in the market for a “pimp-daddy” and I’m not gay, I decided to test the waters with E-Harmony.  2500 questions (including essay-types) later – I am the proud owner of my first online dating profile.  I scrounged up an acceptable picture, but I’m planning on having someone at work take a nice picture of me Monday.  You know, just your average “make me look good, thin and date-able” picture.  I still have some work to do on the profile (and, of course, add the “good/thin/date-able” picture), but I feel like I’ve made some progress. 

To entice you to want to pay good money to play the E-Harmony game, they share a selection of “matches” as soon as finish your questions.  Of course, you can’t actually see pictures of these guys until you pay – that’s how they get you.  And, speaking of paying good money, the amount you pay “per month” goes down the longer you sign up for.  The best price is when you sign up for a year, but doing that is just admitting that you’ll need 12 full months just to find a match, which is kind of sad and pathetic.  Now it’s time to play the “how hopeful am I” game to choose whether I want 3 months or 6 months.  Ugh!

So, this morning, I checked my email.  Someone “smiled” at me after viewing my unfinished profile.  Wait, let me back up here… “John/56” smiled at me.  Really????? 56????? Oh, good lord…I put in all that time and that’s the first thing I see?  No offense to “John/56,” but I think I’m going to be more comfortable with a “4-number” than a “5-number.” Well, since then, I’ve gotten about 10 other emails with “Meet so-and-so” in the title, most of which are a little closer to my age range (whew!)  I logged on to my homepage and I’m up to 16 matches and I don’t even think I’ve hit the 24-hour mark yet, so obviously, I’m not the only one out there looking for love.

I accomplished a lot this weekend.  I cleaned out some clutter, which will make moving a bit easier.  I made a little cash, which helped to offset the awesome wood heel wedges.  And, I jumped into the deep end of the E-Harmony pool, which means I’ve started my quest for love… I think I’ll leave the water wings at home.

The King and I

I have a king size bed.  I know I’m not the only person on the planet with one, but for some reason, my mom thinks it’s the most unnatural thing in the world for a single gal to have one.  She told me that her friend just recently downsized from a king to a queen and loves it because “now she sleeps in the whole bed instead of just one side.”  First of all, I don’t think that counts as a valid argument.  And second, I could sleep in my whole bed if I really wanted to, I’m just short, so I would really have to stretch out…

OK, just to be clear, I like my bed.  Its part of a whole bedroom set, so removing the bed would just make all of its little nightstand and dresser friends sad.  It’s also a piece of good furniture, so it makes me feel like a grown up.  It’s kind of strange being 43 and saying that...  But, being single again (and especially being single and getting ready to move back to your hometown where you went to high school), does kind of makes you feel like a kid again.  It almost gives you that slightly awkward “third wheel” kind of feeling… yikes!  I going to take all the help I can get!

So back to the king size bed.  It’s comfy.  It’s a nice place to stretch out and watch TV or read a book.  It’s nice to have a good space to lay out clothes when picking out the perfect outfit.  And, of course, it gives me a good place to sit down and put on my shoes.  Sure, it can be a pain when trying to squeeze a whole bedroom set into an “oh-so-roomy” San Francisco apartment (yes, that was meant to sound very sarcastic because the words “roomy” and “San Francisco” aren’t allowed to be used in the same sentence). But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to give up on it and downsize.

Well, for now, I guess I’m OK with only sleeping on one side of the bed.  On the upside, it does make it very easy to make.  On the downside, my mom will keep reminding me that a queen size bed feels more practical.  I guess I’ve never been one to be practical so why start now? 

Baggage Restrictions

So I mentioned in my first post that dating when you’re in your “early-but-not-quite-mid” 40’s is complicated.  I can’t actually say that as a fact since I’m newly back in the dating scene, but I have a sneaky suspicion that it will be because of one thing: baggage. 

OK, so everyone’s got baggage – and that includes me.  But, if I think about it, my baggage is pretty tame… I guess you could say it’s the relationship equivalent of a nice, small, airline-approved carry-on.  Now, I know what you’re thinking, if I’ve got an ex (as in the deadbeat ex, who shall now be only be referred to as DBE), I’ve got baggage, right?  Wrong!  Let’s be clear that he was an ex-boyfriend of 15 years, who never wanted to have a serious conversation about getting married or kids… until I kicked him out.  Then suddenly, he was like “let’s get married… let’s have a baby” like that was totally going to fix everything.  Um, let me think… no (actually the phrase “no way in hell” is probably better).  So I was able to cut the ties as cleanly as I could with no actual reason that I’ll ever have to interact with DBE again. Yeah me! 

So enough about my baggage… what I’m concerned with is everyone else’s.  I’m pretty sure that my dating pool of eligible men in my age bracket will probably contain a lot of men who have been married before, thus creating lots and lots of baggage.  Kids, ex-wives, ex-in-laws, ex-houses, ex-dogs, ex-etc.  It’s the relationship equivalent of the 9-piece matching paisley luggage set at Macy’s. 

Now, I’m not saying I’m against dating someone with kids, it’s just a completely foreign concept to me.  I’ve never dated anyone with kids before, so I think I’m less concerned and more intimidated by the thought of it.  The last time I actively dated, I was 26, so the likelihood of someone having kids wasn’t that high.  Now, it’s the opposite, so I just have to wrap my head around the idea. 

What I am concerned with is the “ex” factor.  I’m pretty sure there’s drama when you step into that territory, and that’s what I’m not looking forward to.  I saw a news story the other day about a guy with a website called “My Psyco Ex-Wife” and it had the tag line “I’m not happy until you’re not happy.”  OK, really???  Nothing would be a buzz-kill more than someone saying to me, “Wow, I really like you and we’re having a really nice time dating, oh, and by the way, my ex-wife would like to kill you.”  Yep, stuff like that can just ruin your whole day.

So there you have it… That’s the reason that I’m a little nervous about my new dating life.  I guess all I can do is check my baggage and hope for the best.

My quest to find love and happiness from more than my shoes

My love life kind of sucks right now.

Well there, I said it.  My love life hasn’t been going very well lately (and by lately I mean the better part of 6 years).  You name it – it’s happened to me.  Throughout my dating life, I’ve been dumped, lied to, taken advantage of, ruined financially by a deadbeat ex… oh, I could go on, but you get the picture.  And here I sit, ready to start dating again at the wonderful age of 43.  If I think about it, I haven’t “dated” in over 16 years, so the thought of it is completely terrifying.  Dating when you’re in your 20’s is fun… dating when you’re 43 is complicated.  And the only complication I really want anymore is trying to figure out what outfits go with a new pair of shoes.

In essence, I’m searching for my “sole” mate. 

So, why, I ask is it so hard to get what I want?  It’s not like I’m looking to reach an un-attainable goal.  Here’s the simple, abbreviated lowdown about me and what I’m looking for.

Me:

·         I’m nice

·         I’m cute

·         I’m funny (or at least I think I am because people laugh at my jokes)

·         I'm stylish yet casual, and I love great shoes

·         I’m not skinny, but I’m not fat either (let’s just say “in-between” and call it a day)

·         I’ve got several desirable domestic talents such cooking, baking awesome cakes, sewing and knitting (although my latest knitting project just looks like a long piece of knitted “something” that has absolutely no use)

·         I like to do things that make people happy, thus, I want people to do things that make me happy too

·         I want a relationship that leads to getting married and having a family

What I’m looking for:

·         A nice guy who’s sweet (aka “not an axe murderer or psychopath”)

·         A guy with a good sense of humor who makes me laugh

·         A guy who will treat me nicely (you know, the basics like opening doors, pulling out chairs, buying flowers, etc. etc. etc.)

·         A guy with a steady job/income/trust fund (sorry, I have to put that one in because of my deadbeat ex)

·         Someone who wants to be in a relationship that leads to getting married, having a family and other stuff that generally makes you happy

I don’t think I’m being unrealistic…  The bottom line is I just want to be happy.  I want happy things to happen to me.  I’ve had enough unhappy things happen to take up the “unhappy” quota for about 30 people and it’s time to make it stop.  But that’s easier said than done because making it stop involves finding the right guy, which does, (sigh) involve the dreaded D-word.

To throw another complication into the mix, I’m going to uproot my life and move across the country in less than two months.  I’m moving closer to my parents to help give them a little more support.  My brother is jealous only because I will be forever known as the “good child” which means that he won't be the "good child."  Deep down I kind of like that…  But back to the issue at hand – I’ll be relocating to a city where I haven’t lived in 20 years.  So I’ll be trying to find happiness while trying to figure out where the nearest Starbucks is and wondering why the hell the city has changed so much.   Good thing for GPS.

Since I’m moving, I can’t really start my love quest right now.  Although I do enjoy living in San Francisco, it’s given me some really bad love vibes since this is where my long-term relationship went south (which actually was a good thing since that was the deadbeat ex) and then a work relationship that started good, went long distance, then went kaput.  Oh well… I’d leave my heart here in San Francisco, but I think I’ll take it with me when I leave to give it a fighting chance.

So now it begins… I’ll keep track of my journey through all of its ups and downs.  From online dating to first dates (the ones that suck and the ones that don’t) to hopefully, happiness.  And because it’s important (or at least it is to me), I’ll make sure to keep track of which shoes bring me luck and which ones don’t (but don’t worry, even if they don’t bring me luck, I’ll give them another chance). 

And one more thing – I know I reference shoes a lot, but I’m not some crazy shoe fanatic buying Louboutins.  I like fun, cute shoes that make a statement.  I have sexy heels (which do include a few FMPs, which, if you think about it, could come in handy when dating), funky boots, great sandals and, of course, my standbys: Converse and TOMS.  So yes, I love shoes.  I’m always on the lookout for great, fun pair of shoes that I’ll love.

Hmmm… Maybe dating will be like shoe shopping.  You know, just looking for a great, fun guy that I can love.  In an 8 ½ please…

Wish me luck!