What a Croc!

Well, it finally happened.  After several months of hopeful blogging, I finally had something I’d been waiting for… A real, normal, nice first date!  Honestly, I was beginning to wonder if those even existed anymore with the string of bad luck that I’ve been having with online dating.

I know the question that you’re all DYING to ask is “which shoes did I choose?”  Wait, what’s that?  You mean you want to know about the guy first? LOL Oh, OK, fine…

So after my run in with the scam artist, I did get back online.  After all, you can’t be afraid to get back up on the bike after you fall, right?  At least I didn’t part with any money when I fell… *eye roll*  I was still active with Match for a little longer, so I decided to check things out (of course, after I reported the scam artist).  I sent a few winks out and got a nice response back from a divorced guy who is also fairly new to the area.  We ended up chatting on the phone for a while over the weekend and made plans to have a nice lunch date on Monday.  Lunch feels safe – it’s not as “date-y” as dinner, so there’s not as much pressure.  We picked a nice restaurant on the water, which ended up being closed so we had to quickly regroup and blindly choose another restaurant.  We headed to the outdoor seating and had a nice lunch right on the water.  The food was good… the conversation was good… a perfect example of what one expects from a first date.

Let me tell you more about the guy… He’s from Rhode Island and just recently moved down to this area.  He stayed up north for a while his now ex-wife and kids were down here.  Turns out the now ex-wife decided to begin dating other people… um, while they were still married (ouch!)  He tried to work things out with her to keep the family together, but apparently, she started “dating” again (double ouch and hence, the reason for her becoming the “ex” wife).   He is a little older than me – 8 yrs to be exact, which isn’t too bad.  He’s got two younger kids at home (6 and 11) as well as grown kids from a previous marriage…  So yes, he has baggage (remember that 9-piece matching paisley luggage set from Macy’s that I mentioned when I began this blog), but he is a really nice guy, we have a good amount in common and I did have a very nice time with him at lunch.  For that, he wins the coveted prize of a second date. :)  Since we had lunch, now we’ll graduate to dinner, where I will really break out the shoes.

Speaking of shoes, I did choose a “lunch appropriate” pair (the Sam Edelman mid-heel sandals in the pictures). I checked the weather and it was supposed to be mild, but nice.  I thought I’d look all cute in jeans, a tank and a sweater… then I sat outside.  In partial sun.  For and hour and a half.  Sweating. Ugh!  So much for my cuteness, right?  I didn’t realize that (1) it was so hot because I was in my air-conditioned house all morning, and (2) that we would be eating outside until we made the final plans and I didn’t feel like changing. It’s all good… At least my shoes looked great, right?  And, in the grand scheme of things, I was having such a nice time that I really didn’t notice. ;)

Speaking of shoes (again), we did manage to turn our conversation to shoes.  LOL!  He mentioned that his ex started wearing Crocs and looked ridiculous (actually, he said she looked like a lesbian, but I’m trying to keep this blog PC). I assured him that I would NEVER (ever, ever) wear those (ever).  But then, he admitted to me that he wears them around the house too, and he even (gasp!) managed to get all the way to Home Depot before realizing that he still had them on.  So in wondering what I can call him on my blog, naturally, he will now be known as “Crocs.”

I have set the ground rules that he can’t wear the Crocs on a date because they will cancel out the sexiness of my shoes… If we make it to date #3, I may find a way to make his Crocs “mysteriously disappear” (or at least make sure they are permanently banished to the house).  LOL - I'm kidding about this... He's a nice guy, so I guess I can handle a pair (or two) of Crocs.  Besides, it may provide some good blog fodder... ;)

I do have to tell you about one other funny online dating thing that just happened to me today.  I got an email from another match.  Honestly, he was way too old for me, but he did send a clever email, so it at least warranted a response.  I gave him a nice TBNT message (“Thanks but no thanks” for all of you who have never worked in retail), and then got this response back:

Hello Debbie,

Thanks for replying to my “hello” email.

I wanted to share a thought that if you come across an interesting and attractive single female who is bright, charming, smart and more than a little bit interesting, I hope you might consider passing along my contact information.  I can be a wonderful extra male guest at a dinner party – I scrub up reasonably well, my verb tenses match up and I am comfortably secure.

Regards,

Chuck

Well, there you have it… he would like my help in hooking him up.  Um, you know, I’m kinda busy trying to find someone for myself let along trying to find someone for a perfect stranger.  

But thankfully, his verb tenses match up…

Nuts and bolts…

So, I’m sure you’re all wondering how I fell for this guy!  Being sweet and romantic does go a long way… here were some of the things that he said to me:

Sensuality is important to me some of my favorite things are the salty taste of lobster simmering in a beurre blanc sauce, the smell of the ocean mixed with suntan lotion on a summer day, the cool, velvety softness of well-worn cotton sheets on a hot summer night, the gentle touch of a lover, the beauty of a home which has been designed to be inviting and welcoming, the sound of leaves rustling beneath your feet in the Fall.

When in a relationship, I am quite content to be at home working on a project or help with cooking dinner or relaxing with my partner. My lifestyle is usually relaxed and pretty quiet. I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert,  however, I can hold my own at any social function.

If you ever feel lost.... just follow the path of your heart, and at the end of the path you will find me waiting for you with open arms.

You are a blessing that my entire being is very thankful for.

Romantic, yes… load of crap, yes…

The whole lie was fairly complex… his “mom” came to the states to visit and then stayed to watch his son when he got a contract that he had to leave for on short notice last week.  For as complex as his story was, the story that he created when he asked for money was pretty pathetic… here’s the abbreviated version:

He got an invitation to interview for a contract in England – he went there and won the contract that would be for two weeks.  He was given part of the money for the contract work up front from the company (Morrison’s Petrol Station) so he was able to hire laborers and get supplies to replace old pipes on an oil rig.  He got all the supplies he needed… there were long 40’ sections of pipe and special nuts and bolts to put everything together.  He got everything he needed, but was short one nut and bolt. These were special nuts and bolts that cost $1000 and that’s where he needed my help, since he was short one nut and bolt and was now out of money. Blah, blah, blah.

$1000 for a nut and bolt?  Really?? Even though I had fallen for this guy, that story just sounded utterly ridiculous!

So there you have it… this fake romance went from the smell of the ocean mixed with suntan lotion to a $1000 nut and bolt.  And I’m back to square one… again!  OK, seriously, all I want is to go on some first dates so I can wear my awesome shoes – is that really asking for too much?

Things aren’t always what they seem (again!)

Oh boy… So I was enjoying getting to know Mr. Cheers and honestly, I was really falling for the guy.  He was sweet, lovable, romantic… and oh yeah, he was also a complete scammer who asked me to wire him money this evening.

Um, no.

I started to research dating scams online and low and behold, I found a whole section of romancescam.com devoted to this guy (or at least to the pictures he was using).  Most women heard a very similar story to what I heard… widower… had a young son… did contract work for an oil company… Unfortunately, most ended up sending this guy money – I, fortunately, did not.  I sent him a reply to his last email that said this:

I found a very interesting website…

http://www.romancescam.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=30905

Seems that you really get around. 

(and yes, I have several of those same pictures that he sent to me)

Ugh!  I’m 0 for 2 in this dating thing… I got a guy who flaked out on the first date and a guy who professed his undying love for me, but needed me to help him purchase some supplies to complete the oil contract that he was working on (to the tune of $1000…)  Yes, I fell for this guy but no, I’m not a complete idiot.

At least I have a new website to check with for the next guy I date… LOL 

This whole dating thing isn’t working out exactly how I planned… 

A leap of faith…

I know I haven’t updated in a while, so I figured I would let you all know why.

First, everything is still going well with the guy I mentioned in the last post (Mr. Cheers).  He will go down as the most polite, romantic and sweet guy I’ve ever known.  We’re enjoying getting to know one another, but for the first time since starting this blog, I kind of want to be a little more private about this one.  I think it’s because he is so polite and sweet – it doesn’t feel right to broadcast all the nitty gritty details all over cyberspace (LOL).

I will tell you a little about him because I’m sure you’re dying to know… He is 45 (just a few years older than I am, which is perfect) and he has a 4-yr old son.  He’s a widower who was married for 6 years and has been on his own for about 4 years now.  He was raised by his mom in South Africa and has traveled around quite a bit – partly for his job… partly because he loves to travel.  From what he tells me, he’s had some pretty awesome experiences in his life.

He’s completely unlike anyone I’ve ever dated before – which, come to think about it, is a good thing.  I’ve had my share of non-committal, non-working, non-affectionate and non-truthful guys (some of which, pretty recently), so the idea of having someone who’s a little old fashioned when it comes to relationships sounds kind of nice.  Hence, why I’m feeling a little old fashioned about this relationship too (aka no broadcasting).

Anyway, I’m going to leave it at that.  I will keep you posted if I have, in fact, found my “sole mate.” If not, I’ll be back in full swing… If yes, then I’ll probably start a new blog because this is fun!  Oh, and by the way, I did just get a delivery of some shoes today that I ordered online… 1 pair of ballet flats and 1 pair of mid-heel sandals.  I guess all this talk about being a bit old fashioned has tamed me down a bit – that, or I just figured I’ve got enough great heels to keep me (and Mr. Cheers) busy for a while. ;)

Good news!

A few of the guys I mentioned in my last post have apparently dropped off the face of the earth *eye roll*.  The others got a nice polite turn down email from me.  Why? Because (wait for it…) I am starting to move forward with a new guy!

Yes, I did learn a thing or two from the last relationship that I moved forward with – mainly, not to trust someone who starts to get wishy-washy on his feelings as soon as he meets me.  So I go into this new potential relationship with open eyes, a hopeful heart and some great first-date shoes to choose from.

I met this new guy on Meatmarket.com, I mean Match.com. Somehow, he found me in that sea of crazy screen names.  He liked my smile so he wrote me a nice email.  We’ve chatted back and forth and shared the basics of what we’re all about and what we’re looking for.  He seems sweet and romantic – it’s refreshing.  He said some things in his emails to me that just made my little heart melt! ;)  And he says Cheers at the end of his emails, which I think is cute.

So there you have it… a quick update with good news.  Cheers! ;)

So. Many. Choices.

My eHarmony subscription will be ending pretty soon, so I wondered what to do?  Should I renew? Should I try another website? Should I get a new pair of shoes to make me feel better?

The answers are (in order) Maybe… Yes… Not yet, but that’s always an option…

eHarmony has apparently ran out of the selection of eligible men in my local area so I continue to get matches from all over the state.  This isn’t a bad thing, but I was wondering if Match.com would at least give me more of a shot with someone not several hours away.  I logged on, created a profile, and because they offered a 1-month membership for $31, I figured that it was worth it to at least see what it’s all about.

The two sites couldn’t be any more different.  Here are some words that I would use to describe them:

eHarmony: Polite, Reserved, Slow and Steady, Exclusive

Match: Free for all, Meat market, Overwhelming

Now, Match does have a few features that I with eHarmony had.  They have a “No Thanks” option for winks and emails which gives you a polite way to turn someone down.  There isn’t that option in eHarmony, so you have to either send an email saying no or just ignore them. Match also has an IM system so you can instantly talk to someone if you’re both online (this is good, but can easily get very overwhelming).

eHarmony also uses first names – it makes it a bit more personal because you know who you’re talking to.  Match makes you create a user name.  Since all the variations of my first name were taken (really?), I was forced to come up with something creative.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am an animation art fan and my favorite character is Pepe le Pew.  The cat he chases is Penelope, so my screen name became Penelope4433 (I tried just regular 43, but that was taken too – geez, how many people are on Match.com anyway???)

So let’s talk about some of the guys’ screen names now…  I got an email and a wink from Nicedaddy4you who described me as a “pack of beauty.” Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever been described as a pack of anything before, so that’s a first.  I politely declined…   Then I saw TrainedMonkey25 – wasn’t sure what to even think about this one, but he was kinda cute and had a nice profile – I winked at him, he winked back and I sent a quick email.  Other funny names were Happycar, Divenaked, Prince Shrek, etc. etc. etc.

Match also gives you the opportunity to describe what your date should look like – height, body type, hair color, etc. These are all multiple choice questions, but when a guy says that his date should be between 3’0” and 8’11”, I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a lot of thought put into it.  Here’s a tip for those guys – get off Match.com and try the circus.

In all this craziness, I have to report that I have some conversations going with a few guys.  Here is the selection I have going right now (in no particular order).  Feel free to weigh in and let me know your favorite!

·         UPS driver, 45:  We exchanged our pre-selected questions and then had a few days lapse before he sent me a message saying it was his last day on eHarmony and gave me his email and phone number.  I sent him an email but haven’t heard back yet.  It doesn’t look like he has kids, but he has a dog.  It also sounds like he had someone cheat on him based on some of the wording in his profile and how he answered some of his questions.

·         Educator, 47:  We went through all of our pre-selected questions and the next step is if he wants to send me a regular message through the system.  He seems like a very nice guy but I can’t tell how his sense of humor is – I do like a guy who can make me laugh and smile and he strikes me as a bit more reserved.  He has a son.

·         Small business owner, 42:  We’ve made it all the way through the pre-selected stuff and have been messaging back and forth several times.  He’s looking for a strong loving relationship (in fact, he admires that his sister has the type of relationship that he never had).  I can’t tell if he’s a little shy or if he’s a bit insecure based on bad experiences in the past.  He has children (not sure how many – I only see one in the pictures), but he sounds like a good dad.

·         Radio guy, 50: This was my first “hit” on Match.  He reached out to me and we had a nice IM chat session back and forth for the better part of an hour.  He seems like a nice guy and we do share some similarities.  We’re emailing back and forth through Match to get to know each other better.  He’s never been married and I can see a bit of insecurity coming through, although he is asking good questions like “what’s the main thing that men don’t get about women?” My answer, BTW, was that men underestimate the power of being a gentlemen (opening doors and flowers for no reason). J

·         Chef, 47: This one just started this morning… he sent me the first round of pre-selected questions and I sent mine back to him.  This one gets bonus points for having an Australian accent (OMG!)

So that’s what has been keeping me busy over the last week or so.  Five solid options to choose from – now I’m just waiting for some first dates so I can see if they live up to their profiles. I’m ready to dust off those heels so these guys can see what they’re in for… Let’s see if the secret weapons can help me find someone who appreciates (and loves) me for the “pack of beauty” that I truly am. ;)

“New and Exciting”

Besides working this week, I have been surfing eHarmony to see what new and exciting potentials are on there (and by “new and exciting,” I also mean the matches that have been on there all along). 

I extended my options a bit with the site which just means that eHarmony will take the liberty a bit more with who it sends me. You can choose things like the distance that you would like your matches in, and then you pick how important this is to you.  I moved my choice down the scale a bit, more towards “moderately important,” which means I’m getting matches that are a little further away from me.  I’m keeping an open mind and looking at everything, including the distance.  Like I’ve said before, if the match is good and there’s potential in the relationship, then a little distance is OK. 

I have received “new and exciting” matches over the past few days and I’ve send a few icebreakers out.  I’ve even looked at some of the existing matches (which are “new and exciting” when you haven’t looked at them for a while), and I sent some icebreakers to them as well.  I’m sure they’re thinking one of two things about me:

1.        Wow, she’s a nice match and I’m glad she’s finally interested in me.

2.       Wow, she must have gone through all of her first, second and third choices already and she’s trolling the matches that are left in a desperate attempt to find a date.

Yeah, I’m sure I would be thinking #2 also if the situation was reversed.

Anyway, all of those “new and exciting” potentials turned up a whole lot of nothing (zip, zero, nada).  Only two of them “archived” me right away (which is a nice way of saying deleted).  Whatever!  But, I’m happy to report that a new match that popped up this afternoon sent me an icebreaker!  He’s 45, cute and has a nice profile… he appears to have a convertible (as per one of his pictures) and he has a dog (dog people are good people in my book).  I responded by giving him some the standard questions to answer, so we’ll see what happens next.  I can honestly say that this is the first guy that’s sent an icebreaker to me that isn’t too old, too hairy (ewww), or just too blah. 

It’s a good thing because I’ve got some great shoes that are just dying to be worn! ;)