Love in the animal kingdom

So, I was talking to a friend at work who made a comment that I hadn’t written a post all week.  It’s true… this blog was supposed to be about all the crazy stuff that happens when you start dating again, but fortunately for me, the ol’ dating gods have been smiling down on me for the last few weeks.  Don’t get me wrong… it’s certainly good for me, but sadly, it doesn’t really provide much good blog fodder about the pitfalls of dating. 

We got the idea to sidetrack just a bit, since I can only write so much lovey-dovey stuff about M-Daddy (pause to let me smile *sigh* while I think about him).  We’ve got some other nicknames for each other besides our rap names, which sparked the idea to go a little “animal” on you all. LOL!

First, let’s start with me, as I am the queen of my little animal kingdom.  I don’t know if I mentioned this, but I am five years older than M-Daddy, which sparked him to ask if that made me a cougar. Well, I don’t think he’s young enough for me to officially be in the cougar category, but it did sound kind of fun, so I happy accepted the nickname.  He calls me his sexy cougar, which makes it even more fun!  I totally didn’t know that cougars had such a love of great shoes!

So which animal is M-Daddy?  After we established that I was a cougar, he asked what that made him.  He wanted a prey name, but not any of the normal ones like a gazelle or a deer.  No, he wanted something a little more manly.  After thinking about it, I came up with the perfect name.  It’s the most fearless, badass animal out there – the honey badger (trust me… Google it if you don’t believe me).  Now, I don’t actually think the honey badger and cougar are natural predators, but we can both appreciate each other’s awesomeness, so it’s a good match up.  He also wanted to know what the cougar would do when she caught the honey badger… he hoped I wouldn’t say “rip out his jugular and gnaw on his still warm body.”  I wouldn’t do that – I want to keep this honey badger around for a while! ;)

If you think about it, I’ve had my little animal kingdom around for a while, even before my sexy honey badger (again, pause… smile… *sigh*).  Most recently before honey badger, I had a sloth.  Now, I’m not saying anything negative about him because he was a good guy.  I only liken him to a sloth because of how incredibly slow he was at progressing things in our relationship.  He kissed me when we first became “involved,” but then it took four months for him to kiss me again – talk about driving a girl crazy!  I guess the slowness of everything was part of the reason that it just fizzled out in the end.  You’ve got to fan the flames to keep it going or the fire just dies out (and that’s exactly what it did).

Before the sloth, I had a true weasel (aka DBE, you know, the deadbeat ex). I don’t know if there’s a species of weasel that is prone to not working for long periods of time, but if there was, that would be him.  Towards the end, the only thing he was good at doing was weaseling his parents out of money and weaseling me out of the things that I wanted out of a relationship – love, happiness and a family.  In the end (which was a year and a half ago), I sent the weasel off to live with his parents (at the age of 44) and I’m happy to say that he’s still there.  See, there is justice (and a little payback) in my little animal kingdom.

In other news, I’m going to have some visitors to my little animal kingdom this weekend – my parents are coming out for one last trip to SF while I’m still out here.  This weekend will be filled with sightseeing, Trader Joes, wine country, Trader Joes, local stops and… Trader Joes.  My mom absolutely loves Trader Joes (as do I), and I’m happy to report that one is opening in Florida near where I’ll be moving to!  And, oh yes, wine country will be a day trip for us this weekend.  I want to stop by a great little winery to get a few bottles to take to Florida with me so I’m ready to woo my little honey badger. 

So, it's time for this cougar to enjoy the upcoming long weekend.  :)  Sightseeing and flirty texts with a certain honey badger will help make it a great weekend. 

 

Texting 1... 2... 3...

All I can say is that it seems like all the e-harmony stars aligned when they paired me with M-Daddy. He was something they call a "flex match," which basically means they take the liberty of going outside of your guidelines and offer up someone who you wouldn't have normally gotten. All I can say is they couldn't have made a better match. ;)

Now I can't exactly say this is love at first sight because I haven't actually met him face to face yet. Let's say its love at first text LOL. OK, well maybe even a little before that since I knew I felt something as soon as we started communicating. I can honestly say that I've never fallen for someone so quickly... It's a little spooky how much we've just "clicked." This isn't one-sided either... He feels the same way too and can't believe how easy it was for him to feel comfortable with me. 

Now, we just have to wait about 26 days before I start to head over there in my moving truck! It’s only been one week since we started to really communicate, and I'm already jumping out of my skin with anticipation to meet him (I told him that I’m counting the days; he said he’s counting the milliseconds!)

So what do we text about? (Again, get your mind out of the gutter!) Yes, we flirt, but we also send funny, silly messages to make each other laugh. He's gearing up for a "spicy" challenge when I get there to see how much heat I can take (um, all I have to say is “bring it!") I take pictures of my shoes so he knows what he's in for. You know, just the basic "getting to know you" stuff.  And boy, do we ever flirt!  ;)

So along with texting skills that would make any teenager jealous, we've also talked on the phone for hours at a time talking about anything and everything. We've established that we're both looking for the same thing out of a relationship... I guess he's searching for his "sole" mate as well.  It's a darn good thing he found someone with such rockin' shoes! 

So speaking of rockin' shoes, I think I've narrowed down my choice for the first date shoes. I guess you could call them my secret weapon (well, he did say that he was in trouble with me and my shoes). They're the Boutique 9 little numbers to the right. There are multiple thing that make these shoes sexy - peep toes and a laced-up back are just the start.  I also have another pair of classic stiletto Jimmy Choo pumps... These babies just ooze sex! Maybe I'll keep those for a few dates in! Apparently, I have quite an arsenal at my disposal… M-Daddy is going to be complete putty in my hands, and I’m quite certain he will enjoy it!

I know this blog isn't turning out to be what I originally planned. I thought it would be the ups and downs of dating, but so far, I'm only on the "ups," but I guess that's not such a bad thing. Let's see... My first compatible match ended up being tall, bald and handsome (yes bald... and sexy!) He loves my shoes as much (or possibly more) than I do. And he can’t wait for me to get there so we can actually meet each other.

Somebody pinch me… This feels like a dream! 

Leasing terms

So, I'm happy to report that my Florida trip was a success. Spending time with my parents - check! Finding a house to rent so I actually have a place when I show up with my moving truck - check! Getting to know "Mr Cutie" a little more - check! (this one gets a check and a wink!)

I know you're all dying to hear about "Mr Cutie," so I'll start there... First, there was a request to give him a more masculine name, so he will officially be known from now on as M-Daddy. I know that's a bit strange, but we've got a running joke with the rap star names that we've given each other, so that's a slightly abbreviated version of his (BTW, mine is D-Bomb). As you know, we weren't able to meet up while I was there, so we ended up having a blast texting like teenagers for two days and then had a phone date last night to start to get to know each other.

To answer my burning question that I originally had, he's not British - he's Canadian. He also has a nice (a.k.a. sexy) voice, so it was well worth the wait to hear it! I also found out that he is a romantic guy who likes to do things like leave little love notes in unexpected places or send a text just to say that he's thinking about me. This is exactly what I need because of my history with completely un-romantic guys... it's about time that I get my fair share in that department. We spent 2 hours talking about everything from our relationship histories to karaoke, and we can't wait until our next "phone date" this weekend.

It turns out that we have even more in common than I thought. We both have an insane love of hot and spicy food. I do believe I've finally met my match on this one... I have a very high tolerance for spice, but it sounds like his threshold my be just a wee bit higher (of course, we'll have to verify this when we actually meet and go head to head over some good Mexican food). The foodie match also continues with a love of good food - whether it be a little hole in the wall or a fancy restaurant. As long as the food and the company is good, that's all that matters (awww, isn't that sweet?)

More importantly, this 6 ft, handsome, sexy-voiced man appreciates a woman who can rock a sexy pair of shoes. He asked me the important question "which shoes would be the coveted first date shoes?" I told him that it would depend on the venue, but I have several potential candidates for the job. He's already seen a pic of the animal print ones in the pics to the right, so he knows my style, to which he said that he's "definitely in trouble..." Oh, this is going to be fun (wink).

So, now we have 30 days to continue to get to know each other before I move out there. We could only cover so much in a 2 hour call, so we've still got plenty to talk about. That means 30 days to continue to text, talk, flirt (oh definitely) and build the excitement. All that, plus a kick-ass pair of heels will make for a great first date (oh, get your minds out of the gutter...) Remember that I'm looking for love and happiness here, so what I want is a great start to a great relationship (although a little sassiness wouldn't hurt!)

As for the house hunting, I'm happy to report that I did find a beautiful 3-bedroom, 2- bath house with a cute little pool that will cost EXACTLY the same as my "more than a 1-bedroom but less than a 2-bedroom" apartment. I will be "close, yet not on top of" my parents, so it will be easy to get back and forth. Plus, it's close to main roads that will make a trip to see M-Daddy very easy (he will be a few cities south, but still an easy commute). And, most importantly, it met my requirements of a big master closet (lots of room for shoes), a big master bathroom ('cause I'm a girl and I like that) and a nice kitchen (so I can continue to maintain the illusion that I cook better than I actually do).

The new landlords for my house are nice - in fact, they're one of the main reasons I chose the place. Plus, they're stable and own several rental properties (a very good thing). I saw 9 properties in two days and had a nice collection of applications going. When I was looking at their house, this was the application process:

Me: If I'm interested, do you charge an application fee?

Her: Well, let me ask you this... Do you pay your rent on time?

Me: Yes.

Her: You're approved.

It doesn't get any easier than that, huh? I signed the lease yesterday... they're holding the property until my Oct 1st move date and will take care of anything that needs to be done once the current tenant finishes moving out. Oh, and lawn care and pool maintenance is part of the rent, so I don't have to worry about that at all (sweet!) All I have to do is sit back and enjoy myself!

I texted M-Daddy to tell him that I signed the lease on the house, he asked if I'd signed a lease on a guy yet (because he pointed out that I was shopping for a house AND a guy on this trip). I told him "not yet, but I've got a really good possibility in the works!" Let’s hope the lease terms are acceptable and I'll be ready to sign on the dotted line... In about 30 days. ;)

Going without adult supervision

So, I’m pleased to tell you that Mr. Cutie and I have gone back and forth with real, open text box messages where we’re not limited to 1000 characters so we can write whatever we want.  This is very exciting, especially since e-harmony hasn’t sent me any more matches after Mr. Cutie – I guess they ran out.  Well, at least they saved the best for last. 

So far, so good!  He’s got a good blend of fun and sweet, with a hint of mischievous (or at least his writing style does LOL).  I’m a little bummed that he’s not able to meet up with me when I’m there next week (he’ll have his son, so he’s not able to slip away).  But I’m OK with that, because we’ve officially agreed to ditch the “e-harmony chaperone” and move on to trading phone numbers.  It will be nice to hear his voice – he mentioned in one of his answers that his sense of humor was “British by nature” so I don’t know if that was a reference to the fact that he’s British or if he just has a British sense of humor.  Hmmm… a British accent would be a nice bonus! ;)  Very James Bond-ish… does that make me a Bond Girl? 

I’m starting to get ready for my three-day “must find a house to rent” trip to Florida.  I had the name of a realtor that I talked to a few weeks ago, but she’s not calling me back so I think she’s blowing me off (whatever!)  I’ll do just as well on my own armed with Craigslist.  I managed to set up an RSS feed for my Craigslist search, but I couldn’t get it to filter right, so I think there’s like 100 messages in that folder.  Ugh!  It’s just easier to just use the website.

I took about an hour and a half of my day to start making phone calls.  Left a lot of messages, but did manage to get about 6 appointments set up so far.  My mom even has a friend with a house that she might rent, so that will be #7.  Some of the people I talked to were friendly and some just didn’t have a clue (eye roll).  I made it very clear that I was coming there with a goal – to find a place to live by the time I leave (in other words, I’m not going to be that wishy-washy “I-don’t-know-if-I-want-to-make-a-decision-yet” kind of person).  When I find a place I like, I’m ready to pull out the checkbook.  I’m even armed with my credit report, paystubs and my current landlord’s phone number to make it even more clear that I’m very serious about finding a place. 

So, speaking about the places… it’s a totally different ballgame living here in the Bay Area vs. a nice suburban west-coast Florida town.  For what I pay for my “more than a 1-bedroom, but not quite a 2-bedroom” apartment that’s in a building above a dry cleaner, I’ll be going to a 3-bedroom house with a garage, yard and maybe even a pool (sweet!)  When you do the handy cost of living calculator, the city I’m moving to is like 60 or 70% cheaper cost of living – yeah!  Since I’m keeping my same job, that means more disposable income to buy shoes! ;)  Plus, a bigger house will have bigger closets, so I gotta fill ‘em, right? (woo-hoo)

Oh, and get this… the funniest thing I heard today was a nice realtor telling me about the neighborhood that her house was in.  “It’s a nice major corridor with a lot of (emphasizing) HIGH END restaurants.  They even have an Outback!”  Um, I do love Outback, but I hate to break it to her, but (emphasizing) HIGH END restaurants don’t feature dishes named the Bloomin’ Onion.  LOL – it’s a whole different mentality out there, but it will be fun.

What I’ll miss about SF:

·         Walking everywhere!  I lived here without a car for 4 years… I finally did get a car last November but have only put 2500 miles on it since I’ve had it. LOL

·         Not super-hot weather.  You don’t have a/c here because you don’t need it – really! 

·         Flagship stores – I’ll miss those (tear).  For those of you not in the retail industry, a Flagship is basically a really, really, really big version of your favorite store (like, oh, Banana Republic) and they carry just about every style available.  (sigh) I guess I’ll have to settle for a nice, basic, core store (again, tear). 

·         Good friends that I work with.  I’ve made a lot of great friendships over the 5 years that I’ve been here and I’ll miss seeing everyone on a regular basis.  I’ll have to start using the video chat feature on our Instant Messenger…

What I’m looking forward to in Florida:

·         LIVIN’ LARGE! ;)  Maybe I can get spinners on my hubcaps and install hydraulics to make my little blue VW Beetle bounce up and down like a rap star!

·         Having a house with (1) space, (2) a dishwasher, (3) a washer/dryer and (4) electrical outlets ‘o plenty.  Seriously, I have never seen as few outlets as I have now – my bedroom has one by the bed and one, are you ready, in the closet.  I run an extension cord just to power my makeup mirror.

·         Free parking everywhere you go.

·         And, my favorite thing that I’m looking forward to?  Well, that would be Mr. Cutie, of course!

So, time is ticking down to my moving day (just over a month left).   Wish me luck with the ol’ house-hunting game!  And, wish me luck with Mr. Cutie, who now, officially, has my phone number. ;)

Q&A

So, this morning, I got my usual “daily match” email… and I have to tell you I was very pleased with the results!  First, I saw a very handsome face when I logged in (handsome in multiple pictures, not just one LOL).  Next, I saw that we had a fair amount in common – we even answered some of the questions the same way. 

So I sent an ice breaker…

The day was as normal as a Monday could be.  The usual grind – Meetings… Taking care of “fast turn” requests from my department’s Senior Director… Getting a jump start on work for the week…  There was even an exciting planned BART protest that prompted a few of us to leave early to miss the craziness.  BART is the local train/subway system and this is the third protest in three weeks – ugh!  If the BART officers would just stop shooting people, they wouldn’t have so many protests (eye roll).

Back to my day… so I’m in the BART station with about 3000 other people who decided to leave early too, and I pulled out my phone to check my email.

OMG – I got a response to my ice breaker!!! :)  It’s my first ice breaker response, and did mention that he’s a cutie?

I got home and we began going back and forth on the line of standard questioning that e-harmony sets up for you (you know, to weed out psychopaths and axe murderers).  Here’s what you get:

·         “Get to know you” multiple choice questions.  Some of the answer choices are quite comical and could easily put you in the “I’m a non-stop partier” or “I’m a complete dud” category – both of which I am not.

·         “Must Haves” and “Can’t Stands” where you list your top 10 in each category.  It’s a very long list of choices, which does include some choices that are slightly inappropriate when you’ve only known someone for, oh, 10 minutes (like a “must have” of being passionate and something about trying new things sexually).  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for that, but let’s save that conversation until after we’ve actually met each other. ;)

·         Open-ended questions.  This lets a little more of their personality come through, and this is the step that we’re on now.

BTW, we did answer very similarly so far on the first two sets of questions… looks like a nice, compatible match (good job, e-harmony, you’re earning your $134.85).  And did I mention he’s a cutie? (I know, like three times so far LOL).   I’ll be in Florida in a few days – I’m heading out to find a place to live.  Who knows?  If things look good, perhaps we could meet for coffee when I’m there.

So, now I wait.  I’m doing some work online while I wait, but honestly, I’m a little distracted – can you blame me?  This totally feels like flirting but you actually get to learn about someone – It’s so much fun!  And, he’s a… well, you know (insert girlish giggle here).

The suspense is killing me!  I’ll keep you all posted on what happens next. ;)

Breaking the ice…

So, I’m having fun going through my new “matches” every morning.  I turn off my alarm, turn on the news and grab my iPad… It’s kind of like getting a scratch off lottery ticket – you’re hopefully as you scratch, then… nothing.  However, it has turned into a fun new morning ritual.

But, again, I am happy to report that there are some good potentials among the duds (and by dud, I mean the hairy shirtless guy, lying on his bed and taking his own picture.  Sorry, I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth…)

Sorry for the sidetrack… back to the good potentials.  Out of 22 matches that I haven’t “archived” (which is just a nice way to say deleted), I’ve sent an ice breaker to seven of them.

Seven icebreakers sent… and you want to know how many responses I’ve gotten to those ice breakers?  A big, fat, zero (wha wha).

Now, let’s be completely clear on a few things.  #1 – I’m cute (I’m no supermodel, but I am certainly not a toad).  #2 – I’m sending ice breakers to completely normal looking guys who look like they’re nice, sweet and/or funny.  #3 – I have a pretty interesting profile that is filled out with clever, witty answers that make me look like a really cool person (which I am, thank you very much).

And still, not one of those seven guys has acknowledged my ice breaker.  Come on!  Do they need to be reminded that they are on a dating website – call me crazy, but that probably means they are looking for A DATE!  And here I am – a nice, sweet, fashionable gal with great shoes, and I get nothing.

Perhaps nice guy #1 with a kid has just been too busy running back and forth to soccer practice to respond (although he’s viewed my profile twice now).  Then there’s nice guy #2, who made a funny comment that he could dress better if someone would help him.  Hello???? Can you not tell that I obviously have a good sense of fashion (plus, I mentioned that I like to shop).  Maybe nice guy #3 who has a cute dog and said that he’s “not interested in drama” hasn’t read my full profile to see how down to earth (and non-dramatic) I am.

Ugh… This is worse than being the last one left standing against the wall at the junior high dance.  It’s like the guys keep coming over, but then turn around once they get to me and head over to the punch bowl.

Well, in all fairness, I do have to say that two guys have sent ice breakers to me.  I already told you about “John/56” who, by the way, doesn’t even live in the same state as where I’m going to go (eye roll).  Then there’s the guy who sent the pre-selected ice breaker that said “Looks like we live close to each other, let’s chat.”  Close to each other?  Um, not yet… I’m still about 3000 miles away and will be for another six weeks (which is clearly stated in my clever, witty profile).  I haven’t responded to his ice breaker, which officially makes me just as bad as all the nice guys I was trash-talking about three paragraphs back (pot, let me introduce you to kettle).  He seems like a nice guy, although he might not be my first pick at the ol’ junior high dance.  I don’t know if I’m shy about responding, or if I just don’t want to look like a bitch if I end up saying “no thanks” after we exchange a few messages. 

I guess this online dating thing works much better if you just check your feelings at the door.  #1 – I will continue to send out ice breakers to guys who appear to be cute, nice, funny and non-psychopathic, and not get my feelings hurt if I don’t hear back right away.  #2 – I may answer back “close to each other” guy and not worry so much about hurting other people’s feelings.

And now that it’s the weekend, maybe all my ice breaker recipients will get off their butts, check their e-harmony accounts, and realize that there’s a perfectly nice, sweet, sane, non-dramatic, shoe collecting gal, just waiting for a “wink” back.  Let the games begin!

A thousand words, huh?

So, on Monday morning, I got dressed knowing it would be the day to have a friend at work take my picture for my e-Harmony online profile.  I bought a new sweater over the weekend, put on some nice jeans and my awesome wood heel wedges (but of course) and off I went.  I didn’t need this picture to say a thousand words… I just needed it to say three: good, thin and date-able (cute would also be a totally acceptable fourth word).

The morning was non-eventful and I spent my entire lunch making sure I didn’t spill anything on my sweater (which would have caused me to abort the whole mission).  Then, finally, in the early afternoon, my friend was ready, so I put on some lipgloss, and out we went on to the balcony that overlooks the Bay Bridge.  And when I say “we,” I mean me, my friend and one really fancy camera.   This camera, no joke, has magical powers, because she routinely takes pictures of people and they ALWAYS turn out nice (which could be the magical powers of the camera or the magical powers of Photoshop, but who cares, as long as the picture turns out good). 

We took lots of pictures… against the brick wall, with the bridge in the background, with the city view in the background, in the sun, in the shade – we basically covered about every square inch of this balcony and I’m just really glad that there wasn’t a meeting going on in the conference room that overlooks it.  When were done, she downloaded the potential “good/thin/date-able” pics and I got to see what I was working with.  As me and a few other friends perused the pics, we eliminated the ones that looked “like a mugshot” (definitely not date-able), the ones that had ghastly shadows over my face (definitely not good) and anything that didn’t look acceptably thin-ish. There was even one lovely picture with my eyes closed because you absolutely can’t take a series of pics without at least one of those. 

And, so, after all that… I picked three good shots.  Two close up and one full-body, because according to my friend, “they don’t care about what you look like, they just want to see your ass.”  I got home and uploaded the pics to my profile.  Then, I plunked down my $134.85 for my 3-month membership and I eagerly went back to the “My Matches” page to actually see the pictures of my computer-generated matches.

Turns out “My Matches” were a completely mixed bag.  I clicked through, one by one, and here are some of the “thousand words” that their pictures were saying…

·         “I think I’m really hot” (this guy was standing in front of a mirror in a bike tank top and shorts, taking his own picture).

·         “I think that women will be totally turned on by a completely inappropriate picture” (this guy was holding a large phallic-shaped object in front of himself in a very suggestive way – ewwww).

·         “I think this dirty bandana on my head will make me look very stylish” (um, no...) (eye roll)

·         “I think a group picture is perfect to post because women will have no problem knowing which one is me” (um, no, actually, I have no idea which one is you).

·         “I think I will look more date-able if I post pictures of me with women” (yeah, date-able to the women in the pictures)

·         “I think women will find me very adventurous if I include pictures of me skydiving and scuba diving” (adventurous yes, but I can’t really tell what you look like).

But I have to say that my favorite pictures (OK, maybe not favorite, but at least they made me laugh), were the “I have this old picture of me and my ex, and I’ll just crop her out of it and nobody will notice” pictures.  OK, first of all, you can TOTALLY tell that there should be more than just one person in that picture, and second, when you can see someone’s hair or arm, it’s a dead giveaway. 

Anyway, I do have to report that there were some cuties in my mix.  I even got my nerve up to send a few “ice breakers” out.  BTW, an ice breaker is where you can send one of several pre-selected (although somewhat canned) messages to someone like “I just wanted to say hi” or “Your profile made me smile.”  Who knows if I’ll hear back, but at least I’m giving it a try, huh?

So there you have it, my profile is complete, including a few pictures.  Let’s hope those pictures, albeit worth a thousand words apiece, can help me find happiness and love.  Here’s to finding happily ever after… for the bargain price of $134.85.